John Wick (wickedthought) wrote,
John Wick

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The Paizo Project, Part 3

"Orc Warlord."

That's what the description said. And The Enemy (seankreynolds ) gave it to me. Sucker.

I read the descriptions of orcs (sic) in the Pathfinder world and found them pretty much what you'd expect in a fantasy game. Tribal. Unorganized. Bestial. Savage. Fair enough.

I like making NPCs for other people's games that have a lasting impression. Someone who could really shake things up. Change things. And, because my orc (sic) was gonna be chaotic evil (because all of them are), I wanted to take evil somewhere really... different. From the Pathfinder wiki...

Chaotic evil is all about self aggrandizement and fulfilling the individuals desires no matter the cost to anyone else. This ranges from the mad monk, who seeks to return insane outer gods so he may rule what is left of the world, to the armored bully, who enforces his will through brute force and intimidation.

Chaotic evil can be charming and urbane, but brooks no resistance to its goals except those imposed by a stronger force. Even then, it schemes to remove the obstruction without any personal sacrifice.

Okay, so chaotic evil is your standard American politician. (I'm looking at you, Sarah.) But this is orc culture, not American culture. What kind of creature would thrive in orc culture?

Well, the orc traits have the following modifications:

Str: +4
Int: -2
Wis: -2
Cha: -2

(I will point out that the disparage of points here clearly illustrates that Strength is the most important trait in the game.)

That means most orcs are dumb. And not just dumb, but really fucking dumb. Hillbilly dumb. We're talking "The world is only 6,000 years old" dumb. The kind of dumb that will ignore evidence for belief. A whole culture of flat-earthers, Holocaust deniers, Creationist dimwit numbskulls. They'll believe anything you tell them if you shout loud enough.

Now imagine this. Imagine if one orc was born in that culture who had more than just half a brain. In fact, what if he also had the charisma to go with that brain. What if, instead of strength and constitution and dexterity, he had wisdom and charisma and intelligence? A genetic freak, no doubt. But what if? What if he had the smarts to live long enough to make it to adulthood?

What if you dropped an orc with the intelligence, charisma and tactical genius of Robert E. Lee into a culture of illiterate savages? What would happen?

And we'll make General Lee chaotic evil, to boot.

That was what I came up with. Take the greatest military mind the United States has ever known, slap the most evil alignment on him, make him an orc, and throw him in with a culture of rabid dipshits who will believe anything that's yelled at them loud enough.

That's my boy. And he's gonna kick your ass. And there's nothing you can do to stop him.

Tags: paizo project
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